their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
