the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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