No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
