I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
