I want to walk on stilts...naked
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
