And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
