I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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