Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize