When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
