Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
