I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
