This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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