Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
