Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
