Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
