too bad you live with your parents still
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
