She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
