I need to stop coming to work sober
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
