Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
