i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
