Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize