on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
