why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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