Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
