C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
