I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
