hell yes lets make some ravioli
People in love make me want to vomit
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
