my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
