Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
