I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize