Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
