why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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