I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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