Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
