If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
