I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
someone owes me an orgasm
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
