She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
