Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
