I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
