Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
