It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
