How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
