angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize