Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
