I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
