I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So here I am, sexting at work.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
