i would punch a child for taco bell
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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