My first STD was from a foam party
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
