Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
