The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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