just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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