so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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