Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
