dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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