I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
