normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
