Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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