you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
