even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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