Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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