Do you still have your period?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
