at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Damn victory sex feels great
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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