im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
