is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
