bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
