She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
