Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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