The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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