man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
