everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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