margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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