You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
