Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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