I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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