Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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