Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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