Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize