nut hugger
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
