franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
