they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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