I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
