I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize