there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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