New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
