Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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