I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
