just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
