hotel room ftw
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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