omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize