I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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