I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
