next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
