I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
