So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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