Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
