the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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