remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
