If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
