if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
