so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
