I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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