it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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