Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
