I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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