Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Nicole vs. Life
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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